


Dark On Me

by usagi_kun1217



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Coping, F/M, Loss, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 00:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4685201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usagi_kun1217/pseuds/usagi_kun1217
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Juvia finds out devastating news and must find a way to cope. Gray makes things more difficult by finally coming to terms with his feelings for her. [Read the A/N inside before reading. Not something for anyone looking for fluff, drabbles or light reading.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark On Me

**Author's Note:**

> I’m going to warn everyone right up front that there is no redemption from this story. There’s no fluff, no happy ending, and none of my typical smexxxy stuff. My best friend lost her sister and my heart breaks for her. This story comes from that place. It’s not beta’d, it’s not edited. I don’t even want to look at it again. I cried writing it and I don’t know if I have it in me to read it again to fix things. I’m certain there are errors and I’m certain there are problems but I’m also certain that I don’t care. I needed to get this out. Gomen to all. 
> 
> Some lines are based off the song "Dark on Me" by Starset and from an episode of House.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Locksar, but it’s terminal. There’s nothing anyone can do.” The doctor looks at me with sympathy, but I am too blindsided to even accept it.

“How-“ I swallow, trying to clear the sudden blockage in my throat. “How long?”

The doctor shakes his head regretfully. “There’s no way to be sure, but no more than six months, I would say.” He stops and looks at me again. “Is there anyone I can call? Someone to come pick you up?”

Frozen, I shake my head slowly. “Juvia has no one…”

 

* * *

 

I make the return trip to Fairy Tail, consumed with my thoughts though I try desperately to blank my mind, to block out the awful knowledge that surrounds me. Before I’m even aware the magic carriage stops at the doors to the guild and I am forced to climb out. As I stand and stare at what has become my new home, I am struck by a terrible realization: what do I tell my _nakama_? Do I even tell them? I glance down at the ground when another thought rolls over me: will they care?

Laughter erupts from inside, surrounding me in comfortable familiarity. _Of course they’ll care. They are Juvia’s_ nakama _as much as Juvia is there’s._  But that still leaves me with the original problem: do I tell them?

“No.” The word falls from my lips without my realizing it, but I know it’s the right answer for now. Fairy Tail has been through so much lately, they don’t need my burdens added to it. With the decision made, I straighten my shoulders and walk through the door, trying like hell to plaster a smile on my face.

The noise washes over me and I’m immediately surrounded by controlled chaos. Christmas is quickly approaching and everyone is helping to decorate the guildhall in preparation for the upcoming party and Secret Santa gift exchange. I had purchased Gajeel-kun’s present months ago and it currently sits on my dresser at home, wrapped and tagged and waiting to be given.

Glancing around I see Wendy-san and Romeo-san stringing popcorn to hang, Erza-san and Gajeel-kun putting up the tree she had cut down especially for this, and Natsu-san and Gray-sama fighting over where they were going to hang the decorations on the tree. Seeing the joy in all of Fairy Tail’s faces only strengthens my resolve.

“Juvia will tell them after the new year,” I murmur to myself.

“Tell who what?” a voice behind me queries.

Cursing inwardly, I turn and meet Lucy-san’s brown gaze. “Oh, nothing important,” I lie.

She gives me a curious look but accepts my response. “What did you decide to bring to the party, Juvia?” she asks as she makes her way over to the bar and slips onto a stool.

I follow and choose a stool next to her before replying “Juvia thought some cookies and maybe some mashed potato casserole. What will Lucy-san bring?”

Lucy smiles as she takes in the general mayhem in the guild hall. “I think I’ll make strawberry shortcake. So many people here like it that I figure it won’t go to waste!”

“Juvia thinks Lucy-san’s cake may go to THE waist though!” I respond.

We chuckle together before settling into a companionable silence, watching as the guildhall changes her skirt for the Christmas season.

 

* * *

 

The Christmas dinner is delicious, of course. The only dish no one touches is Natsu’s fish surprise, but Happy is more than…well…happy, to eat that himself. I try a little of everything and go back for seconds on Lucy’s strawberry shortcake.

“Lucy-san, your cake is delicious!” I exclaim as I polish off the second slice.

“So were your mashed potatoes! I don’t think I’ll fit in my clothes for a few days,” she chuckles, rubbing her stomach and groaning.

“Now that we’re all nearly comatose,” Master Makarov interrupts the general sleepy babble washing around the main room, “it’s time to reveal our Secret Santas! Everybody up and exchange!”

I hand Gajeel-kun a package wrapped in black with a silver ribbon tied in a bow wrapped around it. He smiles at me, one of those rare smiles that actually reaches his crimson eyes as he unwraps it. The smile expands as he realizes what it is.

“A magnet, water woman? Gihihihi.”

I smile at his signature laugh. “This was, if Gajeel-kun ever needs a quick snack he can find some.”

He wraps his arms around me in a quick hug, but pulls away, his hands still on my shoulders, holding me still as he looks me up and down. “Are you ok, water woman? You look thinner.”

I’ve been practicing my confused face since I my appointment with the doctor and I put it into effect now. “Juvia has been watching what she eats, but she doesn’t think she’s lost that much weight, Gajeel-kun. Thank you for thinking so!” I wrap my arms around him in a quick hug before bounding away, desperate to escape before he pries too much.

I’m not watching where I’m going, however, and slam directly into a firm, warm, naked chest. _Gray-sama_. I can tell without even looking.

“Juvia, there you are. I’ve been looking for you.”

I blink owlishly up at him. “Gr-Gray-sama has been looking for Juvia?” I ask, a little shocked.

“Yeah, I’m your Secret Santa. I wanted to give you this.” He holds out a small package hastily wrapped in blue with a white ribbon barely securing it shut. Hands shaking, I reach out and take it from him, my eyes darting between his face and the package in my hands.

“Gray-sama got Juvia a present. Juvia is so happy,” I murmur as I untie the ribbon and slip the paper off, revealing his gift. I hold it delicately in my hands, awed by the thoughtfulness. It’s a snow globe. Centered inside is a Fairy Tail symbol made from Gray’s Ice Make magic. I look up at him again to see him blushing slightly, one hand rubbing ruefully at the back of his head.

“I wanted you to have something that reminded you of us, you know, for when you travel on jobs and stuff. Something to remind you of…well…me, I guess.”

I gasp softly, my eyes locking on his.

“Juvia could never forget Gray-sama,” I reply swiftly, but he places his finger against my lips, urging me to silence.

“Gray could never forget Juvia-sama, either. But I’ve spent some time thinking, Juvia, and I’ve realized that I’ve been incredibly fucking _stupid_ these past few years by blowing you off like that and ignoring my own feelings. You’re intelligent, funny, honest, loyal and beautiful. How could I not fall in love with someone like that?”

I can feel my lower lip trembling against his finger. _Why? Why_ now _of all times?_ The tears spill down my cheeks and, without a word, I turn and dash from the room, running blindly out into the night. I slow as the cold night air hits my cheeks and lean my back against the wall, staring up at the night sky. Only moments go by before someone else exits the guild, but it’s not who I was expecting.

“Juvia?” Lucy’s voice is soft as she approaches me.

“Lucy-san shouldn’t be outside,” I say, my voice only trembling a little. “It’s cold and she’s not dressed appropriately.”

I can see Lucy’s smile in the dim light of the nearby lamp as she comes over and leans against the wall next to me. “Gray is one confused guy, Juvia. All these years you’ve been melting over him and he finally tells you that he feels the same way, only to have you run from the room in tears. He’s still in there trying to figure out what went wrong.”

I shake my head, responding softly, “Juvia has love Gray-sama for so long, she is just shocked that he returns her feelings. That’s all.”

Lucy turns to look me full in the eye. Her stare makes me nervous, as if she can see the truth somewhere on my face. It’s something even simpler than that, in the end.

“You’re dying, aren’t you?”

I gasp at the bluntly spoken words and the truth tumbles from my lips before I can stop it. “Yes, but how-“

She reaches out and lays her hand on my arm. “I watched it happen to my mother and I remember every moment. Why are you hiding it, Juvia?”

The tears return in force and my knees can no longer bear my weight as I slip to the ground, sobbing. It _hurts_ but it also feels strangely good to finally let it out. I feel her arms come around me and her cheek press against the top of my head as she rocks me slightly back and forth, crooning a tuneless hum into the Christmas darkness.

Some time passes before my sobs calm enough for me to speak around them. Lucy and I have settled with our back against the wall though her arms are still wrapped around me and my winter coat is off to drape as a blanket over both of us. “Juvia doesn’t want to be a burden, she wants her _nakama_ to be happy. And then Gray-sama tells Juvia he loves her…but Juvia cannot return that love anymore. She will be gone and Gray-sama will be sad. Juvia does not want Gray-sama to be sad.” I sniffle and wrap my arms around my updrawn knees.

“That’s not fair to us, Juvia. We’re your family. We have a right to know. And you have a right to be happy, as well. You should be honest with all of us.”

I nod, exhausted in the wake of the storm. “Juvia will think about it, okay, Lucy-san?”

The blonde smiles at me again, though now I can see the heartbreak lurking in the depths of her eyes. She knows I still won’t tell. “That’s all I can ask of you, Juvia.”

I don’t’ even ask her not to tell. She’s _nakama_ , after all. I trust her with my life.

 

* * *

 

“So are you going to the New Year’s party with Gray, Juvia?”

I smile as I twist my hair into something complicated on the top of my head, baring my neck. “Juvia is, Erza-san. Gray-sama asked so many times that Juvia had no choice but to accept.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Your dress is lovely, by the way.”

I look at myself in the full-length mirror, admiring the way the midnight blue fabric shimmers slightly in the light. The empire waist sits just beneath my full breasts and drapes delicately down my body, ending just above my knees. The matching heels lengthen my legs and the strapless design does the same for my neck. I place a silver snowflake necklace around my neck and trace a fingertip along my brow-line, touching up my makeup. Turning to Erza, I take in the redhead’s outfit.

“Juvia thinks Erza-san’s dress is beautiful,” I reply, liking the way the short cap sleeves accentuate her strong shoulders while the mermaid cut makes full use of the curves she possesses. The sequined red fabric falls to mid-calf and her scarlet heels scream sex. “Is Erza-san expecting a certain blue-haired mage to show up tonight?” I question softly, teasing my friend.

She blushes prettily and grumbles something that sounds suspiciously like “He’d better be there,” before turning and ushering the group of us out of Fairy Hills and into the magic carriage waiting to take us to Fairy Tail.

The ride is short but filled with excited exclamations and squeals of delight over one another’s outfits. Before I know it we’re at the front door and a sudden sense of deja-vu hits me as we alight. This time, however, I’m surrounded by friends and so I shake the melancholy from me and we enter the guild arm in arm.

The decorations are beautiful and the food is amazing, as always. Master Makarov even sprang for a band. Gray and I dance together until our feet ache. The night is perfect.

“You look happy, Juvia.”Lucy’s voice floats over my shoulder as I sit at one of the tables, rubbing the sore foot I’d removed from the murderous high heel.

I turn to look at her, a smile on my face. “Juvia _is_ happy, Lucy-san. This has been the best night of Juvia’s life.”

Lucy smiles in return and sits next to me. “I’m glad, Juvia. Have you told Gray?”

I smile collapses and I study my foot closely. “Juvia cannot tell Gray. He is so happy; Juvia doesn’t want to ruin that for him.”

“Juvia, it will be worse later. Trust me on this. Tell him. Tell everybody. Let us help you.”

“No.” I shove my foot back into my shoe. “Juvia refuses to make her _nakama_ suffer when they don’t need to.” I stand to leave but Lucy grabs my wrist, arresting my escape.

“Juvia, they’ll suffer no matter what. Please.”

I shudder at the pain in her voice and something inside of me breaks a little. My shoulders slump and I collapse back onto the bench next to the blonde. “Lucy-san is right. I will tell them. But not tonight.”

Lucy nods in understanding. “Enjoy your night, Juvia. Make the most of it.” She winks as she walks away, letting Natsu pull her into his arms before whirling her around the dance floor.

As the countdown to midnight approaches Gray pulls me into his arms and, to my everlasting joy, lowers his lips to mine. Our New Year’s kiss begins well before midnight and lasts well past it.

 

* * *

 

“What is Lucy-san getting Natsu-san for Valentine’s Day?” I ask as we sit in our usual spot at the bar, kicking my feet lightly against the barstool legs.

“Hmm…”Lucy sips at her milkshake as she ponders the question. “I haven’t really decided. I was thinking about a new fishing rod, but then I’d have to get Happy one, too. What about you, Juvia?”

I smile sneakily. “Juvia is going to make Gray-sama a very nice dinner and then she’s going to allow Gray-sama to make love to her.”

Lucy gasps and blushes, her eyes flying to mine. “Juvia! That’s so….so…shit why didn’t I think of that first?!” We giggle.

“Does that mean you’ve told him?” I can feel her eyes burning on me, but I don’t have the heart or energy to lie.

“No, Juvia still has not told Gray-sama. It’s just never been the right time.”

My blonde friend nods. “You keep putting it off, Juvia. It’s never going to be the right time. Don’t take this from him. He deserves to know.”

“Who deserves to know what?” My shock must be visible as I whip around to find myself facing Gray.

“Gray-sama! When did you get back?” My voice trembles slightly.

“Just now. What were you two talking about?” he asks, curiosity tinging his eyes. 

I glance at Lucy and can clearly see her face urging me to talk. Sighing, I slide from the barstool and grab Gray’s hand. “Gray-sama, Juvia has something very important she would like to talk to you about. Can we go to your house?”

Gray is obviously surprised as I’ve never asked to visit his place before. But Fairy Hills is too far, and all girls to boot. I want to get this over with.

We walk in silence, hand in hand , the short distance to the apartment Gray rents. Looking around, I take in the clean but cluttered living room. Clothes are strewn about, last night’s leftovers are still on the table and dirty dishes are in the sink.

Gray leads me to the couch and I sit on one end and turn to face him. He still hasn’t let go of my hand.

“Gray-sama, Juvia needs to tell you…” I swallow. He looks at me expectantly.

“Juvia needs to tell you…” I try again but falter in the same place. How do I put this? I glance down at our entwined fingers.

“Juvia, are you alright? You look like you’ve been losing weight. Have you been eating?” He reaches out and brushes his fingers against my cheekbone, sliding some locks of hair behind my ear. The gesture undoes me.

I free my hand from his and bury may face in my palms, sobbing again. There is no way to tell him. I can’t do it.

“Juvia, whatever it is, you can tell me. We’re Fairy Tail mages, remember? We can handle anything as long as we have each other.” He smiles at me, pulling me against his warm body.

“Juvia is dying, Gray-sama,” I sob, unable to control my tongue any longer. Somewhere along the way I realize there is no “way” to say the truth.

I can feel him still against me, can feel his eyes on the back of my head. He pulls away and places a hand under my chin, lifting my face so he can see my eyes. “What did you just say, Juvia?”

I shake my head, unsure if I can repeat myself. “Juvia is…Juvia is…Juvia is dying.”

He is speechless, his jaw slack and his eyes unfocused. “How-how long have you-“

“Six months,” I whisper.

“You’ve known for six months and are _just now_ telling me?” He looks furious until I shake my head.

“Juvia thought you meant….Juvia has known since just before Christmas,” I respond softly.

“You’ve known since then and…wait. Six months? Does that mean you…”

I nod sadly. “Juvia was told six months at best.”

“So…June. And it’s February. You’re just telling me in FEBRUARY that you only have until JUNE to live. What the fuck, Juvia!?” He leaps to his feet and begins pacing the room, his hands buried in his hair. Even in my misery I can’t help but admire the grace with which he moves and the beauty of his body.

“Why the hell would you wait to tell me something like that?” he asks frantically, turning to me with a pleading look in his eyes. _What is it he’s pleading for?_

“Juvia does not want others to suffer because of her. She has told no one.”

“Wait, you haven’t even told anyone else? What the FUCK?!” He lurches at me, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me to my feet before shaking me back and forth. “Juvia, why? God…” With that, he breaks, pulling me roughly against his body and burying his face in my neck. I can feel his tears sliding down my skin and I wrap my arms around him, holding him close. My tears are silent compared to the storm he is unleashing against me.

Hours seem to pass before the tears abate, leaving us both exhausted. He finally raises his head and I’m shocked to see that, even in pain he’s beautiful. Silently, he leads me to his bedroom.

There, he strips off his shirt and pants and I my dress. There’s nothing sexual in what we do. He urges me into his bed and crawls in after me, tucking the covers around us and wrapping his arms tightly around me. I snuggle into his chest. We fall asleep in the wake of the storm.

 

* * *

 

“How was it?” I ask Lucy. We are in our regular spot at the bar. Outside the world is slowly beginning to prepare for spring.

“It hurt a little more than I expected, but once that passed. Wow,” she giggles into her milkshake. “How about you?”

I smile at the memory of that Valentine’s Day. My dinner was well received and the offer of my virginity….well… “There was a very good reason Lucy-san didn’t see Juvia or Gray-sama for two days,” I finally say, a secret smile gracing my lips at Lucy’s squeal of delight.

“I’m so happy for the two of you!” She clasps both of my hands in hers and the smile lighting her face pushes light back into my soul.

“Do Lucy-san and Natsu-san have any plans…” I trail off, unsure of what to ask.

“Nothing yet. We can’t agree on anything. He likes owning his own place but he likes being at my place. He’s impossible.” Lucy is silent for a moment, stirring her milkshake thoughtfully before an idea seems to strike her. “We should go on a double date! When it’s full spring, we’ll go on a picnic! It’ll be fun!”

I nod in agreement, already looking forward to the excursion. “That sounds wonderful, Lucy-san! Juvia will tell Gray-sama as soon as he and Natsu-san return from their job!”

The sound of early spring birds chirping filters through the window with the midmorning light as Lucy and I enjoy our milkshakes and plan what food to bring and what outfits to wear.

 

* * *

 

Gray spreads the blanket out on the grass under the blooming sakura tree and Natsu sets the basket down on the edge of it. We all kick off our shoes before settling ourselves on the blanket. Lucy and I dig through the basket, handing out the food. We discuss nothing but nonsense, enjoying the food and company. Gray’s eyes never leave me and, though I can see the sadness lingering at the edges of him, he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. I know I surely am.

 

* * *

 

The oppressive heat of midsummer hovers over Magnolia and I’m now too tired to get out of bed. Lucy has brought me milkshakes every day, sitting on the edge of the bed and chatting idly with me. I know she cries as soon as she leaves but, while she’s here with me, she’s all smiles and joy. Natsu has proposed and she’s full of the plans for their wedding. I try not be envious but I can’t help the jealousy that burns in my chest as she talks.

I haven’t been able to take any jobs for well over two months now. Unable to pay the rent, I was forced to move out of Fairy Hills and in with Gray. While the arrangement doesn’t bother me, the situation makes me sad. Over time, the guild began to notice that something was wrong. Realizing I was no longer taking jobs, they also began to realize that they had barely seen me walk for many months now. I was always just sitting at the bar with Lucy. It was shortly after the double date that I informed the Master.

I didn’t know what he told the rest of the guild but they had closed ranks around me. Mira brings me chicken soup, Erza brings me cake, and Happy brings me fish. I just smile and get Gray to throw it out as soon as Happy leaves. Everyone else just comes by to talk, to distract me, to make me smile.

I turn my attention back to Lucy, who has fallen silent. In her defense, she keeps her wedding plans to a minimum around me. I know she just can’t help it and she knows she needs to help it. She reaches out and takes my hand.

“Juvia, I want you to be my maid of honor.”

I blink up at her. Her wedding isn’t for another year. Even if I were to hope, that is too far out of the realm of possibility. I shake my head and begin to speak, but she silences me with a gentle squeeze to my hand.

“Natsu and I can have the fancy ceremony whenever the fuck we want. But the ceremony that _matters_ , the one that needs to happen to make it official, we want to do that now. Tomorrow. Be my maid of honor, please?”

Stunned, I stare up at the blonde who has become my constant companion these past months. I would never have expected our relationship to change so drastically in the years we’ve known each other. I started as her kidnapper and have become…her maid of honor. I nod dumbly. That light of hers shines forth again as she leans down to hug me. I return the hug, squeezing back as hard as I can. As she sits up again I begin pushing myself upright, struggling to sit up so I can get out of the bed.

“Juvia, what are you doing? Lay back down!” I can hear the slight panic in her voice as I find my legs, taking a shuffling step forward.

“Juvia must make herself ready! She wants to be beautiful for Lucy-san’s big day!”

The world seems to darken around me and I feel strangely heavy. I can hear Lucy cry out, “Juvia!” before screaming a panicked “Gray!” The darkness closes in around me.

 

* * *

 

I fight the darkness back and open my eyes to stare at an unfamiliar ceiling. A persistent beeping sounds close by and, as I turn my head slowly, I find that I am in a hospital room. Lucy is curled up on a chair nearby and Gray’s head is resting on the bed near my legs. Natsu is sprawled in a chair across the room, snoring.

I can’t stop the snort that explodes from my nose, turning into a full-blown laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. Gray’s head snaps up and he grabs my hand while Lucy scrambles out of her chair and rushes over to me. Natsu remains asleep.

“What happened, Gray-sama? Lucy-san and Juvia were talking about her wedding and then I am here.”

Gray’s face is pale and his eyes shadowed as he squeezes my hand. “You tried to stand up and you passed out. We had to rush you over here. I was so afraid…”

Shaking my head to clear the cobwebs, I glance out the hospital window and realize it’s morning. “What day is it?” I ask, panicking slightly.

“It’s just Tuesday. You were only out for a few hours,” Lucy replies soothingly, smoothing my hair from my forehead.

“Then Juvia hasn’t missed it.”

“Missed what?”

“Your wedding.”

“Oh Juvia, sweety, that can wait. Right now you just need to get-“

“No! No, it can’t wait! Lucy-san and Natsu-san must get married today! They must! Juvia is to be their maid of honor!” I am frantic.

“Then we’ll get married today,” a deep voice says softly. Natsu has come up behind Lucy and wrapped his arms around her, reaching one hand down and placing it gently on my arm.

I relax back into the bed a little, my breathing evening out. “Juvia wishes she could wear a nice dress.”

“I’ll grab that one from the New Year’s party. It was beautiful.” Lucy squeeze my hand and she and Natsu leave to get the necessary supplies, leaving me alone with Gray.

“Gray-sama,” I begin, but he cuts me off.

“I love you.”

I smile tremulously, my heart overflowing at finally hearing the words I’ve been longing to hear from him. “Juvia loves… _I_ love you, too, Gray.”

“Don’t leave me, Juvia, please…” I can see him struggling to stay composed.

“Juvia is trying so hard not to, Gray. But it’s not her choice, anymore.”

He nods and buries his head against my shoulder. I run my fingers through his hair, enjoying the feeling I’ve desired for so long.

 

* * *

 

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.” The minister finishes the brief ceremony before discreetly exiting, leaving the happy couple alone with Juvia and I.

I glance over at Juvia laying in the hospital bed and realize she’s never looked more beautiful. Her eyes are shining with joy as she hugs her newly married friend. They’d managed to put on the blue dress from the New Year’s party and do something with her hair. The upper part of the bed had been elevated and I watch as she hugs both of her friends, Natsu sitting on one side and Lucy on the other. The bouquet she’d held is on her lap. Despite the happiness suffusing her features, I can see the exhaustion lurking in her eyes and know she’s had enough excitement for one day. I’m about to usher Natsu and Lucy out when Lucy turns to me and murmurs, “ Can I have a moment alone with her, Gray?” Stunned, I nod and Natsu and I step outside.

“What do you think they’re saying?” he asks as he loosen his necktie.

I glance at my friend and shrug. “I couldn’t even begin to guess.  I’m happy for you both, though, man. It’s about damn time you grew up.”

Natsu smiles his signature smile and drapes an arm over my shoulder. “I wouldn’t say I’m growing up, droopy eyes. I’m just starting off on a new journey. Growin’ up is overrated.”

I smile, then my eyes snap to Lucy’s as she exits the room. “We’ll go now, Gray. Thank you.”

I wrap the woman who’s been like a little sister to me in a tight hug. “I wish you both nothing but happiness.”

As she pulls away she slides a hand up to cup my cheek. There’s a strange look in her eyes as she stares at me for a long moment but she says nothing, just kisses my cheek before holding out her hand to Natsu and leading him out of the hospital.

I return to Juvia’s hospital room to find her bed laid flat again and her eyes closed. Panic grips hold of me and I rush to her side, terrified that I’ve lost her in those few moments that I wasn’t there. But as I reach to touch her face her eyelids flutter open and she smiles as she sees me.

“Gray-sama, Juvia wishes for you to lay next to her. Will you do that for her?”

I nod and climb into the hospital bed next to her, wrapping my arms tightly around her. I can feel her breathing, feel her heart beating and it comforts me as I never knew I needed to be before.

“It’s not fair, Juvia,” I mutter after a long silence. “We have no time together and everyone else in this world has all the time together. It’s not fair and I _hate_ them for it.”

I can feel her hand lift to brush against my face. “It’s not, fair, Gray-sama. But no one ever said it would be.”

“Aren’t you angry? Why aren’t you angry? Why aren’t you raging and screaming?” I grunt, squeezing her tighter.

“Because I don’t want that to be the last thing I feel.”

I gasp and look at her, finding nothing but love and joy shining in her beautiful blue eyes. Tears fill my eyes and I press my face against her hair, awed by the seeming cosmic knowledge she harbors.

“I’m tired, Gray-sama.”

“Go to sleep, Juvia. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

She sighs and snuggles against me and, lulled by her steady breathing, I fall asleep with her in my arms.

Somewhere in the dead of night, she went dark on me.

 

* * *

 

The ceremony was short and simple, exactly the sort of thing Juvia would have wanted. The entire guild had gathered and Gramps gave a short speech about her strength, her grace and her joy in life. After pausing to pay their respects they begin filtering back to the guild hall, leaving me alone with the cold stone monument I traded the love of my life for.

I’m not sure how long I sit there before I realize another presence has also remained. Looking up, I discover Lucy looking down at me with sympathy in her eyes.

“That’s the same look I had when I lost my mother,” she says softly moving to sit next to me. We both stare at the monument for a moment. “I was lost,” she finally continues. “Lost and alone and hateful. It took me meeting Natsu and joining Fairy Tail to lose any of that. I don’t want you to go there in the first place, so I’ll share what I can with you.” Sighing, she takes my hand and places something in it. Looking down, I realize it’s the snow globe I’d given Juvia for Christmas.

“Juvia is always with you as long as you love her. Your memories of her are what will keep her alive forever, just as my memories of my mother are what keep her alive. We can’t keep everyone we love with us forever, but we can carry them with us inside for the rest of our lives and pass on what we learned from them to others. Share Juvia’s lessons around with as many people as you can and she’ll live forever.”

I stare dumbly at the snow globe in my hand, not even noticing when Lucy leaves me to my mourning. I shake the globe slightly and set the snow within to swirling around the Fairy Tail symbol inside. As I watch the white flakes settle, I realize a soft drizzle has begun to fall. Turning my face up to the sky, I let the rain brush against my cheeks, meshing with my tears. I can feel Juvia’s touch in those droplets of water, her love in the way they trace down my cheek, her joy in the way they seep into my skin. As the rain pours down, I commune with her, letting her memory etch itself forever in my soul. 


End file.
